Im in Taupo. As I was walking through town the other day, I realised Id been to Taupo every single time Id come to New Zealand. I suppose Im drawn to it everytime because theres so much to do. Thanks to the gi-nourmous lake and surrounding mountains, theres tons of water sports (lol), and loads of mountain adventures (they sure do love their hiking over here). Last time I was in Taupo I did the skydive (which I still dont shut up about), and so this time I might do a bungy jump, but I'll blog about that some other time if I do.
So as Taupo is one of the the biggest tourist hotspots in NZ, I thought Id have a look for work down here. It wont be a complete waste if theres no work going though - Taupo is always fun, all year round. The weather is largely unpredictable (it changed 6 times on Monday - rain, sun, rain, hot hot sun, coooooold, sun again) but it has been hot n humid the rest of the week. Its all so sudden aswell. If you suddenly notice a grey cloud, you have around 3 minutes till you get soaked from some heavy, near-horizontal rain. But then its all over in 5 mins and the sun comes out to cook everything again. So you can forget all about the UK way of 'dressing for the weather'.
I found this awesome little bit of beach earlier that was totally hidden. Notice how immensely proud I am:
As I sat down on the stone steps I felt the weird rumbling beneath me - and I wasn't in the need of a poo. Then I remembered that Lake Taupo rests above a rather large volcano. Thats still active. Bad times.
I went to the cinema the other day and found myself completely alone in a pitch black cinema. Guess they decided one person wasn't worth turning the lights, music, or movie on for. I shot a video - just capturing the fear etc, but it came out weird. Its 4 times faster with no sound, but it still shows how scared I was in the dark empty room in a creepy old building...
So I feel comfortable enough by now to share this little tale with you.
Recently, I did a routine check of the ol' 'nads after a shower and got all kinds of freaked out when I felt a lump. I couldn't be sure because they sure do like to slide about in there and Its not easy checking with just two hands - and lets not even mention the huge package I got, which kept blocking my view...
Since I would take no pleasure in asking Marc to "lend us a hand bro", I decided it was best leave it to the pro's to give 'em a thorough checking. And by Pro's I mean Doctor's, not Prostitutes. They are too expensive.
So my first day in Taupo I headed over to the Doc's and anxiously waited for some big burly dude to come out and inevitably crush them out of pure jealousy (Gods gift blah blah...you all know me and the usual spiel). But to my surprise a rather attractive MILF Dr appeared and informed me she is my Doc. "Good times".
So after explaining my situation she had me sit down and get the General out. She briefly left the room only to return with....a hot nurse! So here I am, having my manhood (although technically, no hood) get fondled by a beautiful woman while another watches and I realise this is the single best moment of my life....or less dramatically, at the very least, the best moment of my year, so far.
My jewels are fine - turns out I was feeling a tube or something....she googled a little diagram to see whats-what inside a nadsack. Regrettably I, at this point now completely comfortable around her, joked (in a semi-deadpan style): "So technically, you just searched for porn while at work...". She didn't even crack a smile.
I came away from the Docs thinking 3 things:
1) When the usual paranoia sets in after finding scary lumps, nothing gets you over the whole 'possible death' thing quicker than standing before two beautiful women with your junk out.
2) It is never funny to accuse a middle aged woman of searching for porn at work.
3) If she had to GOOGLE it when I asked 'So, what was it that I felt' then, like everyone else who does a Google search, she simply didn't know the answer. Hardly what you want from a Doc, when it concerns your pride and joy.
Brighter news: I moved to a new backpackers today - just your run of the mill average hostel, only I discovered something quite important was missing in the bathroom...
(excuse the shaky cam)
Forever searching,
Nick (with the perfectly fine Nad's)
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