As Its nearly Christmas I have come back to Napier. I really enjoyed my time in the Capital, and it was during the flight back that I got thinking about some random 'Wellington' moments...
The museum of filth:
The recreation of the mystical-wish moment in the movie 'Big':
The sunburn/skin peeling:
The statue with the first ever 'party-on' hand gesture:
The awesome mumbling near-naked tramp:
The jugs (ahem...):
And of course, the 'wild' night we drunk tea, did puzzles and cut hair:
I already miss the lively city and its interesting characters, but Napier just feels like a more homely, healthy place to live. Maybe thats because I'm actually eating properly again (was living on cheap noodles and $7 large Dominoes pizza's!) or because in Napier, I'm yet to be woken up at 4am on the 7th floor of a rickety old building, by a "tiny" earthquake. Talk about laid back kiwi's....not remotely bothered that the entire city is directly above a fault line.
Seriously though, Its good to be back with family. Despite making many friends and having good times, It still somehow in a way, gets incredibly lonely in the city. I really do miss everyone in the UK even though its only been a month! I hadn't even seen some friends and family for years before I left but since then I've missed them loads! I'm sure I will settle once I have a bit more stability - I don't have any more travel plans over the summer as theres plenty of fruit-picking work in Napier, which hopefully should keep me occupied and help settle in.
There's so much talk of how situations can get wildly out of control when intoxicated. Unfortunately there is no excuse for last nights events. Picture the scene...
Its Saturday night, the biggest party night of the week in a city loaded with tourists, kiwis and even a few bratwurst-loving Germans. My fellow backpackers and I are in our room, having a party of our own. In true party animal style, we did not one, not two, but three - three! - crosswords. There were popular party-drug alternatives such as flavoured teas, some perusing of pizza menus, and plenty of serious debate over crossword answers. Oh It was wild - us four Brit's sure were painting the town red.
Then we got hardcore. As if the partying wasn't legendary enough, things were about to get kuh-ray-zee. While intoxicated on the immense excitement that filled the room, I finally decided that a haircut - or more specifically - a mohawk, was to be had. Joey the Jew was my volunteer - half insane, half crazy - she was perfect for the task. The following pictures tell the story of the brutal massacre that took place that fateful evening...
Would you trust this woman with your hair?
The hair pre-cut post-shower, no gel
Smiling to begin with
Not so happy
Checking it out
Taking control while the others laughed
Uh-oh
Awful
Being cruelly laughed at by Tania and Jonny
The weird animal tail-like Mo. We decided it needs trimming.
It was also decided to wet it. Thanks for the heads up.
Soaked
Nearly done
Looking good?
Covering it with the 'gay' hat, just in case
Checking it out
So after a wild night so far consisting of crosswords and herbal tea, I sat there soaking wet, with some of my hair in my mouth - fused into my chewing gum, with a dodgy mohawk and posed with a very important decision. What colour do we dye it?
So it may not have been a typically wild Saturday night in Wellington - hitting several clubs while blind drunk, but in all honesty it was a priceless laugh (even if it was at my expense) that will forever be etched in my mind. Thankyou Joey for successfully changing my toup'e-like mohawk and turning it into a pretty decent one - there was a gutting moment where we nearly had to shave it all off. And cheers Johnny and Tania for taking the pics and providing the brutal but hilarious honesty throughout. But I still firmly believe I don't look like neither Hale or Pace.
As for today, Joey helped bleach my hair and dye it. I would have gone for green but my backpack is green and as I cant afford a new one, I feared I would look like a lizard. So we went for Blue.
Bleached Mohawk
Back of Bleached Mo
Blue Mohawk
Courtesy of Joey/Jewy, whose hands have been 'semi-permanently' stained blue. Thankyou for the sacrifice :)
The most Punk I'll ever be...
So please, my dear friends and family alike, click 'post a comment' just below this entry and let me know what you think. Constructive and even the not-so-constructive criticism accepted.
Nick, or 'that guy with the mohawk' as I have become overnight in my hostel..
Te Puke was a let down. It's just a normal, quiet town, miles from anything interesting. But what really sucked was the hostel. Spook-ily they somehow know of this blog, and will read this at some point.
It was a dive. A filthy hole. Its basic, sure, and they were upfront about not trying to be flash - which is fine, only they probably should be because at least then they'd actually have something going for them. My hands and nails were black after half an hour, and I had only opened a few doors. All surfaces, bedding, and the showers were filthy, probably never cleaned. I'm no clean-freak, but I like to eat, wash and sleep in a hygienic place, that probably wont cause some kind of stomach fungi. So fine Hairy Berry, stick with your non-flash, low-key mentality, go for the whole rural-thing - but at least clean the fucking place once in a while. Ive honestly been in better piss-floored public toilets than your pathetic excuse of a gents bathroom. Your internet access system is either crap or rigged - and I suspect the latter given the low, scummy morals you have. Im a tech-geek - I know all about bandwidth, and how much I was actually using, compared to your dodgy monitor which was clearly just spewing out made up figures like a retarded 7 year old in a maths class. Id spoke to quite a few people overnight and I'd heard the word 'disgusting' thrown around several times when I asked what they thought of your place. But you are lucky they are going nowhere anytime soon - it seems all backpackers who come to Te Puke are broke and desperately seeking kiwi-picking work. But I assure you, not one person I spoke to would piss on the place even if it was on fire. You are a disgusting establishment and I sincerely hope a Health n Safety Inspector shuts your dirty, shithole 'home' down.
Anyway, with the rant over, heres a video I filmed from a bar in Te Puke, shortly after arriving...
And then a while later....
I spoke to the incredibly friendly barmaid about it all and she gave some great advice, along with Marc when I called him.
So after one rainy night, with a spider looming over my bed, I abandoned the place and grabbed the next flight back to Wellington. The barmaid even gave me a lift to the airport - a life saver given there were no taxis or buses at that time of day.
Its all good again, and I have no regrets because I know for sure that Te-Puke was not for me.
My view at night:
I have already applied for some work here in Wellington and will check around town tomorrow - the region is massive, with plenty of bar, restaurant and hospitality work.
Check out my manky sunburnt feet:
Less whiny-ness next time, I promise - Im happy again now im back in the city. :)
Remember that ideal job I told you about - and how I blew my chances with the CV written from the School of Narcissism (the whole "Im awesome" thing, remember?) Well, thankfully they don't read their CV's.
I'm moving to Tauranga, which is twenty minutes from Mount Manganui (my favorite place ever). I'll be staying at the superbly-named hostel, Hairy Berry. They emailed back and accepted me, despite the Worlds Most Egotistical CV. They arrange all the local kiwi-picking jobs, and if you're staying there for the long haul, they prioritise you and get you into work pretty sharpish.
So all being well from Monday I'll be picking Kiwi's for $13 an hour and living out of my new backpack, which disappointingly, only holds a mere fraction of the clothes I've brought and bought. Still I have my 'gay' cowboy hat so Im all good. Its 'gay' because Marc says it is...which is just his excuse for not being able to pull off the cowboy look. But then, can I?....
I've already left Marc and Cress back in Napier, and flew to Wellington because Ive been craving to come back to the capital for years. If work falls through up in Tauranga, then I'll be flying back down here as theres a load of work for backpackers. The hostel I'm in is bloody amazing - cost me just £25 for two nights. I have an on-suite bathroom, access to a huge Sky TV, decent kitchen etc. I am sharing my dorm with two American guys who are geeky-cool and two girls from Wolverhampton! The nightlife is great in this city - but one major thing to get used to is that Kiwis all stop in each others houses drinking first, then head out around 11pm and party till 5-6am. A bit of a culture shock given my 7pm-booze O'clock habit. Was shattered y midnight, but I have plenty of time to adjust :)
I am actually fed up of the hot weather (typical whiny Brit). I am now completely sunburnt on my back, arms, hands, and thanks to the shape of my sandals, Im burnt just in the middle of my (slightly) hairy feet. So I have two huge brown patches, resembling a giant 4-inch, hairy mole. Not to mention my toenail was bright pink thanks to Cress' nail vanish rampage. Here's hoping Kiwi ladies don't have any foot fetish's or else Im screwed. Or not, as I suppose the case would be.
Currently, I'm in what appears to be a mans-man kind of pub, slurping on 'Macs Gold'. That sounds dirty in my head. Its not. There is no Mac. And Im not slurping on his Gold. Err anyway, if you see it, try it.
I've been watching a hobo lying in the gutter of a busy main road, waving his arms and shouting and laughing at drivers and pedestrians all day long. Hes insane, and completely naked bar some kind of ill-fitting thong, but he looks more than happy with himself. Probably because hes either been given, or just robbed someones iPod. Cant afford clothes, but the guy has an iPod. I love the 21st Century. Hell I shouldn't mock him - if my first two plans don't work out, I may actually become this guy....I already have an iPod and just a few clothes left.
Oh and on a side note, the bugs must have some kind of inter-insect union or something. I awoke the morning following my battle, and I felt a needle-stabbing pain in my arm, only to turn and find an ant gnawing on me. So I flicked it away only to find the same Ant biting me a minute later. So naturally, flicked him again. One minute later, same ant, same place. It was actually climbing back up the bed to bite me. So of course I crushed him (as I have accumulated much experience crushing bugs this week) I believe the ant was completely focused and dedicated on biting me...like he was on some kind of brainwashed terrorist mission. I have headed south to Wellington for now, but make no mistake - this is no retreat. I shall be back. With bug spray. RAARR! *Tribal growl*
...Anyway....
I have no idea what net access I'll have in Tauranga so future blogs/email responses may be scattered.
And finally, Charlie Dimmocks wishes you all a Merry Christmas. Even if its a little early.
*The author would like to state that no animals, homeless tramps, and only one insect was harmed during this blog.
I hate my tent. I know, I know, I kept harping on about how awesome it is, and in many ways, it still is. Hell, I never even showed you my uber-cool/geeky vintage Star Wars pillowcase....
But, not even my nerdy pillowcase could force a smile out of me today, for as soon as I woke up, the mood turned sour.
Staring at me from the inner layer of the tent was the huge silhouette of a sleeping cockroach. Armed with my massive torch, I figured I'd bash it repeatedly till it was no more. What I failed to figure was the manic mess created by crushed cockroaches. (Ive been drinking all nite as I type this and let me tell you, that was not an easy sentence to repeat! However my dear old English teacher would be proud of my use of alliteration, even if it is overkill. But I digress....) Nor did I count on the streaky green blood that would be left behind.
The sight from my pillow
The result of the assault
Close up of the evil insect who dared invade my space
So I finished my assassination and decided to go for breakfast as normal. Only little did I know, the battle with the bugs was not over....
As I got out my tent, I turned to zip the hatch and saw this golden beastie....
So, while still fired up from my previous hit, I decided to continue the killing spree...
With the creature still hiding out there somewhere (possibly in my tent) my rampage came to a close (I got hungry). Beware my little insect-enemies, this battle may be over for now, but the war has only just begun. And I suppose this makes me somewhat of an awesome veteran now. Hoo-rah!!!!
Forever hunting, Captain Nick Awesome, Slayer of Cicada's {See-kay-da's} ;-)
