And so my journey (really) begins...

Remember that ideal job I told you about - and how I blew my chances with the CV written from the School of Narcissism (the whole "Im awesome" thing, remember?) Well, thankfully they don't read their CV's.

I'm moving to Tauranga, which is twenty minutes from Mount Manganui (my favorite place ever). I'll be staying at the superbly-named hostel, Hairy Berry. They emailed back and accepted me, despite the Worlds Most Egotistical CV. They arrange all the local kiwi-picking jobs, and if you're staying there for the long haul, they prioritise you and get you into work pretty sharpish.

So all being well from Monday I'll be picking Kiwi's for $13 an hour and living out of my new backpack, which disappointingly, only holds a mere fraction of the clothes I've brought and bought. Still I have my 'gay' cowboy hat so Im all good. Its 'gay' because Marc says it is...which is just his excuse for not being able to pull off the cowboy look. But then, can I?....





















I've already left Marc and Cress back in Napier, and flew to Wellington because Ive been craving to come back to the capital for years. If work falls through up in Tauranga, then I'll be flying back down here as theres a load of work for backpackers. The hostel I'm in is bloody amazing - cost me just £25 for two nights. I have an on-suite bathroom, access to a huge Sky TV, decent kitchen etc. I am sharing my dorm with two American guys who are geeky-cool and two girls from Wolverhampton! The nightlife is great in this city - but one major thing to get used to is that Kiwis all stop in each others houses drinking first, then head out around 11pm and party till 5-6am. A bit of a culture shock given my 7pm-booze O'clock habit. Was shattered y midnight, but I have plenty of time to adjust :)

I am actually fed up of the hot weather (typical whiny Brit). I am now completely sunburnt on my back, arms, hands, and thanks to the shape of my sandals, Im burnt just in the middle of my (slightly) hairy feet. So I have two huge brown patches, resembling a giant 4-inch, hairy mole. Not to mention my toenail was bright pink thanks to Cress' nail vanish rampage. Here's hoping Kiwi ladies don't have any foot fetish's or else Im screwed. Or not, as I suppose the case would be.

Currently, I'm in what appears to be a mans-man kind of pub, slurping on 'Macs Gold'. That sounds dirty in my head. Its not. There is no Mac. And Im not slurping on his Gold. Err anyway, if you see it, try it.




I've been watching a hobo lying in the gutter of a busy main road, waving his arms and shouting and laughing at drivers and pedestrians all day long. Hes insane, and completely naked bar some kind of ill-fitting thong, but he looks more than happy with himself. Probably because hes either been given, or just robbed someones iPod. Cant afford clothes, but the guy has an iPod. I love the 21st Century. Hell I shouldn't mock him - if my first two plans don't work out, I may actually become this guy....I already have an iPod and just a few clothes left.

Oh and on a side note, the bugs must have some kind of inter-insect union or something. I awoke the morning following my battle, and I felt a needle-stabbing pain in my arm, only to turn and find an ant gnawing on me. So I flicked it away only to find the same Ant biting me a minute later. So naturally, flicked him again. One minute later, same ant, same place. It was actually climbing back up the bed to bite me. So of course I crushed him (as I have accumulated much experience crushing bugs this week) I believe the ant was completely focused and dedicated on biting me...like he was on some kind of brainwashed terrorist mission. I have headed south to Wellington for now, but make no mistake - this is no retreat. I shall be back. With bug spray. RAARR! *Tribal growl*

...Anyway....

I have no idea what net access I'll have in Tauranga so future blogs/email responses may be scattered.

And finally, Charlie Dimmocks wishes you all a Merry Christmas. Even if its a little early.





















*The author would like to state that no animals, homeless tramps, and only one insect was harmed during this blog.